It has been 131 days, since my last blog post and 7 blog idea folders and 11 started posts. Getting an idea for what a blog would look like, researching the topic and finishing the layout and envisioning what kind of message it would deliver all through and through in my head without putting my fingers on the keyboard has become a habit or sort of ritual to distract me from whatever is going on around me.
Long working hours, tiring social interactions daydreaming of writing as an escapism. When the time finally comes around, thinking … thinking …. thinking, over and over, bumping my head against the desk biting my lips and running laps in my head, crossing lines of thoughts and contradictions, “Oh how do i…”, “Maybe if i….”, “what would it look like…”, “but then the message….” milliseconds burn into seconds and hours to days.
Well its a new day and the seed that planted the idea is dead, better move on… i mean who would even in their right mind read this ?. A new cycle begins, a new seed is planted sprouts to become an idea, but remains unexecuted.
A folder named Blogs with the estimated size of 2,301,514 bytes(2.3 MB), carrying 7 different folders with 7 different themes and topics to explore, swimming in a sea of different individual files, of files with their own themes and ideas to explore. The stories they yearn to tell, yet remains untold.
I have been consuming a lot, a lot of everything a bit of nothing or the other way round a lot nothing and bit of everything, my desire to write remains lit, but not blazing enough to burn through the words required to satisfy my hunger, I might as-well say i am starving to write but yet, like a deer who accepted its fate beneath the jaws of the lion i remain still consuming and doing nothing.
The desire to create and destroy co-exist … or something of the similar matter was a story i read on Instagram, seems like my desire to create or destroy is non-existent but just linger in the limbo of the between where i neither create nor destroy but just consume.